It’s My Birthday and I’ll Write My Own Obituary If I Want To
September 20, 1984. Noah T. Watry was born.
Future date, TBD. Noah T. Watry has passed away.
Today is September 20, 2023. I am 39 years old.
I’ve seen, heard, and done it all. You name it, I’ve tried it.
You try to guess it, you won’t even be close.
As is tradition, I am going to write my own obituary today.
September 20th is a weird time for me. Some years I have partied hard into the weekend, and even throughout the week.
In other years I have enjoyed a night by the fire and played video games inside once the embers ceased.
But today, I am going to reflect on my past and write my (updated) obituary, as if I were to die today. On my birthday, of all the days, no less!
Noah T. Watry, of New Berlin, passed away surrounded by his family. His final words, as once-promised to an old friend and colleague were, “Ah, they poisoned me!” Ever the one to make light of any situation, Noah died doing what he did best: making others laugh, with a little bit of sensationalism.
Noah is survived by the most beautiful woman in the world, OK, two most beautiful women: wife Arianna (nee Johnson) and daughter Presley Nancy. Noah also leaves behind two stepsons (Mr. Carter and Mase Dog), along with a cat named Chanel and his prized possessions in Pokemon Trading Cards.
Noah is fondly remembered and tortured by his family, in order: Mom, Kathi of Fredonia; sister Lex and daughter Savannie; brother Justin; sister Elizabeth and husband Brando, with daughter Marlena (TBD on baby numero dos); and the grand finally of his writing-partner-in-crime sister Gabrielle. Special goodbyes were pre-emptive to the family dog Prince and his traveling cat, Roxy.
Noah’s two best uncles and sons of bitches Kevin and Keith, along with his tough-as-nails grandma, Dolores, are also left to turn off the lights. Noah left a lifetime of memories, laughs, trades, backyard wrestling, pool swimming, beer drinking, movie-going, making moves, and even more laughs with his two best friends Dan (Kim) and Matthew (inside joke Raph).
Noah truly lived a life to the fullest. Most of the time. Whether it was his poker-playing wild hair days (yes, he once had long hair) or partying, he went from being the cat with nine lives to an old dog being taught new tricks. His latest and most proud trick is that of husband and father.
While he never won any Father of the Year awards, or even that trophy coaching his children’s sports teams, he always went to bed feeling like a winner. Noah lived for his wife, his children, and his career. The moment he became a licensed funeral director and embalmer in the great beer-and-cheese state of Wisconsin, was the moment he finally achieved something in life. Noah was a proud child of God, funeral director, embalmer, insurance agent, cemetery advisor, welder, poker player, published author, and his favorite job, pizza delivery man at age 19.
Closing time Noah, last call. Noah gave up drinking alcohol, so please, on him, enjoy a beer tonight. Or two. Or a case. Before you end the night, search for his books on Amazon. Cast a line on a lake. Place a donation to the Ozaukee Humane Society. Attend a church service. In honor of the crypt king, take me home, so far away.
Funeral Visitation to be held on Friday, October 13 (naturally), from 4:00 PM to 6:00 PM with a Funeral Service to follow. Interment will take place Saturday, October 14, at 9:00 AM (old Saturday morning Pokemon start time) where Noah will be laid to rest at Highland Cemetery with his prized trading cards. So long, and good night.
